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What is Fear?
We normally abandon our cars when they don't run and our
clothes when they don't fit.
Why we then still continue to be driven by
fears that stop us from being successful?
When faced with fear, we often talk ourselves out of taking action. Most
of the time, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Fear is the inability to face someone or something. When you cannot face an
issue, it causes complexity and stress. For example, if you cannot
easily discuss money then you will surely have money problems. Whenever
you need to take financial action, you tend to freeze. Then you end up
with less money.
It is like being afraid to cross the boundary created by us
in our mind. More or less like an internal signal that we may get
electrocuted (hurt) so we tend to stay away from the boundary. Hence
Fear is staying within that confined area.
Fear blocks our thinking overall as well as stops us from taking correct
decisions/actions. Therefore it blocks us from being successful. Most
successful people have had to overcome fear barrier to triumph in their
achievements.
Succeeding becomes easier if nothing scares you or nothing makes you
hesitant, shy or nervous. All these are signs of fear.
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What is Fear?
When you do not act or do right things knowingly then most probably it
is because of some FEAR you have in your mind.
F = False
E = Expectations
A = Appearing
R = Real
Fear due to Personal Factors:
Examples -
not able to speak English fluently;
lacking technical knowledge;
not able to comprehend or grasp things quickly;
lacking expertise or experience to make decisions;
certain weakness laziness, unorganized, procrastinating,
Fear of ageing, diet, visible scars, health issues, etc
Fear due to Relationship Factors:
Examples -
withholding your valid views/opinions;
not being able to say no;
asking colleagues to do certain tasks/favours/meet urgent
requirements;
expressing your concerns about others behaviour/irritating
habits/carelessness/selfishness/irresponsible attitude
.....
Grid of Fear Areas:
Health
Employment Related
Career
Pleasure /Leisure/Pastimes
Family
Personal Growth
Relationships
Social Arena
Close Friends
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Understanding Fear:
I feel there are two key broad areas under which they can be classified.
Other area is where relationships matter to us. We worry about the
outcome of any interaction (or even no interaction) which may lead to
tarnishing our image or perception in other persons mind.
Fear usually is of two types:
i) Doubting or lacking (or even thinking this) Personal
abilities/capabilities/ skills
..
First area is fear is within ourselves where we feel it due to lack of
expertise or abilities. This fear is that we may not be able to meet
other persons expectations due to my weakness or incapacity. Often it
is lot of self-doubt too that sabotages our performance or capability
where we let ourselves as we demand more from us and not rating
ourselves. Many cases it also relates to unpreparedness or lack of
effort in the first place which lets fear rule us and damage our
reputation. Fear becomes obsessive at times due to repeated failures.
This is apparent when continual intimidation is experienced by the
person despite effort.
ii) Outcome resulting from Relationships/ Rapport - Denial/
Rejection/ Ignorance/ Anger
.
Relationship is important today in our life as we become increasingly
corporate-socio-environmently interactive in an open-minded atmosphere.
We usually hold over-selves back from opening up or speaking up at times
as we are worried about hurting/upsetting others. Our image is important
and we want to ensure that others think highly of us because not pleasing
or meeting their expectations or even hurting them would ruin the rapport/
relationship built and eventually lead to some repercussions.
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Overcoming Fear:
Write down:
Best way to overcome fear is to write down your fears and
analyse them which category from do they fit in i.e. personal factor
or Relationship
Classify Type of Fear:
After classifying them, list the outcomes/
results (for each fear enlisted) would be in terms of +ve and ves.
Check your Reasons for fighting Fear:
Next step is to write down why
should really break this particular fear factor in this situation what
is your personal objective/ benefit.
Prepare and Practice:
with your self or a close trusted friend to
confront your fear. Then once you have done in reality is to review what
went right and wrong.
Review
- your next steps so that you can completely become successful.
This stage is often omitted and people tend fall back in their confined
boundary again.
Practice again and repeat the process
again till you are confident of overcoming your fear.
See Log Sheet below for details.
Copyright © Lifezone
Training Compiled and Designed by Bip Parmar
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To illustrate FEAR:
L. Ron Hubbard wrote, "On Lake Tanganyika*
the natives have a very interesting way of catching fish. There on the
equator the sun shines straight down through the clear water.
The
natives take blocks of wood and string them along a long rope. They
stretch this rope between two canoes and with these abreast begin to
paddle towards the shoal** water. By the time they have reached the
shoals, schools of fish are piled and crowded into the rocks and onto
the beach.
The blocks of wood on the rope make shadows which go all the
way down to the bottom of the lake and the fish, seeing the approach of
these shadows and the apparent solid bars which they form in the water,
swim fearfully away from them and so are caught."
(*Lake Tanganyika is
located in east-central Africa.)(** Shoal: shallow.)
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LOG SHEET /DAIRY:
1. FEAR > (Describe your Fear)
..
Date:
Classify: (identify the person - Self or related others)
.
Reason for fear: (what do I normally say to myself)
Outcome of Fear:
..
+ve (Benefits) -ve (Disadvantages)
.
..
.
mportant Reason(s) I must fight this fear is to achieve
..
Preparation required: Action Plan -
..
.
Practice To be done when and where -
Assessment of Action to overcome Fear - (+ves and ves)
.....................
..
..
Improvement stage Re-prepare and Re-practice and Re-evaluate till I
overcome fear
2. FEAR > (Describe your Fear)
..
So on - just List each Fear separately and take action.
Copyright © Lifezone
Training Compiled and Designed by Bip Parmar
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Overcoming Fear is like letting go of your limiting beliefs
which hold you back from succeeding.
Here are some of the limiting beliefs that I've had to cope with:
I am too inexperienced to be a Trainer/ Management Consultant.
If you trust people they will disappoint you so not to get close to
anyone.
I am naturally "less worthy" than others.
If someone rejects/leaves/ignores me, it is 100% my fault.
Asking for business/pay raise/ favours - is incorrect or rude.
I hope you are able to confront your fears. If you require further help then please write to me.
Bip Parmar Aug.10 Newsletter
bip@lifezonetraining.com
Personal & Professional Coaching 1:1 given
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